I’m not what I was

I don’t believe it’s a good thing to focus on regrets. I do have a couple, of course.

• I wish I had not dicked around so much in high school. Being a nerd is actually okay.

• I wish I had tried out for drum major. I would have gotten it. I would love the memories and the leadership experience. And the memories. I loved marching band.

• I wish I had looked at going to different colleges. Different opportunities would have opened up.

• I wish I wish I wish I wish I hadn’t gone to Piedmont that night. Or I wish I had just stayed there and slept off the night before.  Oh, how I wish I hadn’t gone to Piedmont. I wouldn’t have dropped acid there, I wouldn’t have driven home the next day, I wouldn’t have had that accident. I would have taken my biology final and gone back to school that fall. I would have made new friends, gotten off academic probation – barely – and gotten through school.  I don’t think life would have been as good as it in now, but I wouldn’t have had to go through what I went through. I wouldn’t have memories of that night flashing back to me at my worst moments. I wouldn’t have so many fucking problems with my body that are accident related.

There is nothing I can do about any of those things.  And life is good now.  I get to make coma jokes.  I still got into a good master’s program and my undergrad doesn’t really matter any more.  I got through all that. So maybe not regrets, but only this, from a birthday card on my 21st birthday:

“I ain’t who I wanna be;

I ain’t who I’m gonna be.

But thank God, I’m not who I was.”

There’s a lot of wisdom on these screens.  Check out theirs:

1. I have lived a blameless Live | A Teacher’s Blog
2. The Living Eulogy Experiment | contrailsonmyheart
3. Adam asmaca | pesrevsanatpesrev
4. The last time I lied | Miss Moiety
5. Regrets: Repost and Share | J. M. Tompkins
6. Who Are These People? | Conversations
7. Regrets, I’ve Had a Few | Geek Ergo Sum
8. Well you don’t know till you try, right? | thoughtsofrkh
9. What I was and what I am | Right Down My Alley
10. Two Wolves | Spirit Lights The Way
11. Daily Prompt: Regrets, I’ve Had a Few – I miss you FeeFee | littlegirlstory
12. Daily Prompt: Regrets, I’ve Had a Few | Under the Monkey Tree
13. Regrets: I’ve had a few – The mistake which changed my life.. | storyofmylife1993
14. A Train Named “Regret” | The Jittery Goat
15. Daily Prompt:Regrets,I’ve Had a Few | Motherhood and Beyond
16. Turning to life or death? Regrets… | alienorajt
17. Art Institute Woes… | Eyes Through The Glass – A Blog About Asperger’s
18. A bittersweet thank you – a letter | walkin’ on sunshine
19. Regrets (Huitain) | Liars, Hypocrites & The Development of Human Emotion
20. About My Dog | Anchors Aweigh
21. Daily Prompt: Turning Point | Books, Music, Photography & Movies : my best friends
22. Daily Prompt: Non, je ne regrette rien … Well, not much, anyhow | SERENDIPITY
23. Daily Prompt: Regrets, I’ve Had a Few « Mama Bear Musings
24. Regrets, I’ve had a few: Where Do I Belong? | The Story of a Guy
25. Regrets? « RPMAS
26. Regrets, I’ve had Few | Flowers and Breezes
27. Daily Prompt: Regrets, I’ve Had a Few | On My Front Porch
28. The Road I Should Have Taken | Creative Mysteries
29. Reflections [Daily Prompt: Regrets, I’ve Had a Few] | unknowinglee
30. Ain’t Got No Time for That. | unblockedwriter
31. Daily Prompt: Regrets, I’ve Had a Few | Kim, Who Lives at Home
32. Daily Prompt : Regrets ….I’ve had a few | Valley Girl Gone Country
33. University Knocks | The Magic Black Book
34. Daily Prompt: Regrets, I’ve had a few | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
35. REGRET OR IS IT CALLED EXPERIENCE | dandelionsinwind
36. Forehead Slap – Daily Prompt: Regrets, I’ve Had a Few | Reinvention of Mama
37. Daily Prompt: Regrets? None. | My Atheist Blog
38. Daily Prompt: Regrets, I’ve Had a Few | LADYBOY PROMPT
39. Daily Promts: Regrets, I’ve Had a Few | Photos and writings
40. “Regrets, I’ve Had a Few” | Relax
41. The Road Less Traveled | Just Visiting This Planet
42. Crash & Turn | Good2begone
43. Oh No, She Didn’t! Wow, She Really Didn’t… | Molly Greye
44. No regrets with love | Life is great
45. Daily Prompt: Regrets, I’ve Had a Few | ellie azure
46. I’m not what I was | I Didn’t Just Wake Up This Morning with a Craving