I Didn't Just Wake Up This Morning With A Craving
I Write To Stop Time
The questions come so fast I can barely collect them.
“Mama?” (She always begins with the question, “Mama?” Even if she’s already talking to me. She just has to get my attention special for the next comment.) “What does fair and square mean?”
Continue reading “Why, Indeed?”
In the Northern Hemisphere, in the US, things have been fucked up all year, by which I mean 2021. (It was supposed to be better than 2020!) It sucks.
Those of you living on the North American continent are aware know how cold it’s been this winter, yeah? And, I don’t know about you, but our ground has been covered with snow for longer than I have, I think, ever seen. And least, in my remembered history.
And you know how I feel about winter. Well, I have Wee One (WO). Am I going to deprive my child of the chance to frolic in the snow because I am an old curmudgeon? No. I’ll put on my big girl panties (and base layer and wool sweater) and go out with her.
I’ve been having a lot of fun. I got proper snow pants in preparation for time outside with her, and waterproof gloves, so I’m considerably drier and warmer and I can sit down. I’ve been outside twice as much this month as I was in February last year. (The two years I’ve been keeping track. Tryin’ to get WO outside for 1000 hours this year.)
This week is the last week before Wee One’s (WO) winter break. We’re halfway through kindergarten. Phew!
Continue reading “Serendipity”“You can’t simply throw away something artistic that you invested time and money on.”
You guys, I am having such a hard time with the start of school this year. Probably because it’s kindergarten, and that’s an emotional pain anyway, I think? But also because of COVID, she’s doing online lessons through the school district and it is clear they don’t know what they’re going to do. Not that I blame them, because they threw this together in just a few months, but it is unnerving.
I was talking to my neighbor today who has three kids, the eldest of whom is in fourth grade. I was talking to her about part of my confusion being I don’t have any other kids in school, and I don’t know the district at all so I don’t know how I haven’t been near an elementary school in 30 years.
She said that at this elementary school, they had parent and student days, not just the cheesy concerts, but like lunches that parents could come in and eat kids. I want that!
I think I’m in settled because things are changing but I don’t know how they’re changing yet. Or how they’re going to change we won’t be able to spend all day at the beach like we are now. Or will we? She’s learning at home; I can do lessons where and when I want, right? She’s in kindergarten, but is she separate I don’t know how I would feel about this in normal times, and I don’t know how to feel about it now.
I wrote that on the 22nd, and we’ve had almost two weeks of kindergarten now. I can tell the teacher is trying, and so am I, but it’s really hard. Kindergarten is supposed to be the time that you learn that learning is fun, or at least your tricked into believing it. I don’t wanna force her into doing things right now, and she’s got all these videos and pictures to do and upload. If she was older, fine, but she’s five. This computer stuff means nothing to her.
I know the teachers force things, but there is fun and friends, too. I can’t offer her what teachers in the classroom offer. I can offer for other things, so maybe I should focus on that. I am thinking about pulling her out and just homeschooling her for year. I don’t think I will, but it is really stressful and it sucks.
Dick. You should have slowed down more. I thought you were slowing down more. I thought you had seen me and were slowing down to turn and let me go and were just doing that rolling slow thing. Then I realized you fucking weren’t and were even gonna speed up. Fuck.
Continue reading “To The Man Who Almost Hit Me Tonight And Other Thoughts”Over night has been rainy, but it’s now dry enough to sit on the pathway in my neighborhood. It’s chilly for August. I’m in long sleeves.
My daughter just called me, but I think she got distracted. We went on a search for mud this morning; my headache demands an outing with little exertion.e
Now she’s sitting under a tree, digging. She’s wearing a new dress we got yesterday that is, miraculously, not really getting dirty. What a good play dress.
There’s a horse farm across the street, but they have corn growing this year, too. When I look up over the fields, the broad leafed trees behind them and a mist settling on them, I always get lost in imagining flying over them or being surrounded by them. Like that bird calling right now.
It has been 23 years since the accident. 23 years, today. What a 23 years.
Now she wants me to shake bush limbs over her head to pretend it’s raining on her. Those grey clouds tell me real rain is coming again.
Last week, as I was driving with Wee One, she heard me smack at a small bug that had flown into the car. She asked why, and I told her I was trying to kill an insect. She suggested that I shouldn’t because bats eat insects. I said it was a great idea and we should get a bat in the car to get the bug. She said, “Mom. Bats are nocturnal.”
Because duh.
Today is an experiment.
Continue reading “The Road to Independence Isn’t a Road”