Nothing wrong with a little contemplation

Is there anything like a funeral to put you in a contemplative mood? We buried my grandmother yesterday, and it’s kind of been a little hard for the past few days as we held the wake and the funeral.

Grandma had a complicated relationship with all three of her daughters and then, by extension, me. She could be a bitch on wheels and she drank way too much, which is probably why she could be so loose and cruel with her tongue. Then I remember my last phone call with her and how sweet it was. So that makes me think about love and different ways of showing it.

I thought about the day that I lose my own mother or Cohiba, both of which will suck. So I love them more now. Ah, life.

Then, I saw family members I haven’t seen in years, and the older I get, the more I appreciate them. Like my mother’s uncles, how much they look like grandpa. Or my own cousin’s nephew, who’s, like, nine months old. It makes me think about having children of my own (which is already something we were considering), and about a legacy.

Finally, I didn’t realize she was such a woman of faith, but a lot of people there were from the church, where she was, apparently, very active. I’ve had “Abide With Me” in my head ever since and thoughts about the kind of faith I want to live, that it’s not the way I want it to be.