Ten Things Probably Less Painful Than Teething*


*I assume.

Given the amount of drool, finger chewing, and tongue-running-over-gums I’m seeing, I can only surmise the Wee One is working on a new tooth. She didn’t really want to be put down yesterday, and I spent a lot of time wearing her and holding her close, during which time I could engage in a little mental exercise:

Coming up with things that, I believe, are less painful.


  1. Brain Freeze. That frozen shock when you drink something cold too fast. It hurts, but I think less than teething.
  2. Getting my nose pierced. I did that last month, actually, but it didn’t stick.  I should tell you that story sometime. Mother of the Year, really.
  3. Walking into a door frame.  I have double vision (a remnant of the accident) and so when I walk anywhere without my glasses on, I can’t quite tell which, for example, door frame is real. I see two of them, and I misjudge how far over to move.
  4. Stubbing my toe on exercise equipment. There’s this ski machine that Cohiba uses right by the bed in our room, and while there is enough room to walk, it’s not very much. I’ve jammed my toe many a time on it.
  5. A paper cut
  6. Banging my head on a low hanging shelf
  7. Getting a shot. Even getting my IV put in when she was born was probably less painful than her teething, and that hurt. But I think teething hurts more.
  8. Your stiff neck from sleeping on a poor pillow the night before.
  9. A cut while shaving
  10. Getting the wind knocked out of you.  Like when you fall out of a tree and flat on your back. (Not that that’s ever happened to me.)

Things that did not make the list:

  1. The spinal block I got when I had the Wee One
  2. When you jamb your elbow and your whole arm goes numb for awhile. That monumentally sucks.
  3. A dry socket
  4. An animal bite of any kind
  5. A belly flop in the pool

When she gets old enough, I’ll show her this and ask her opinion.  What do you think would make it? (or not?)

Okay, your turn.

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