I initially wrote this in January, and just not get around to publishing it. Sorry.
On December 22, I got the first stripe on my white belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
I mentioned it once, and I’ve been training all this time. I had to step away a certain points, like when I had my gallbladder out, but I’m still in it. I can’t say if I love it like some people opine so vehemently. I like it enough to stick around. I like the challenge. I like working on something that will challenge me for years. Like a puzzle I can do for the rest of my life.
Most days I go to practice, I don’t want to, but I have never regretted going. In fact, I’m almost always glad I went when I leave. One of my favorite things about it is figuring out ways to be powerful despite the limitations in my left hip. There are something moves I can’t do at all. There are some I can only do on one side. The awesome thing in BJJ is that is normal. I am learning far more about body mechanics than I thought existed. Within certain limits, anything goes in BJJ. If a move works, it works, even if it isn’t done the way you were taught.
I think about my body differently, and I think this is important. Weight and food was a big deal in my house growing up. In the gym, my weight is my weight, and what I would compete at. The proportion of muscle to fat. I love hearing “You’re so heavy;” it’s a compliment to me as a competitor. It means I’m using my weight in a way to put a challenge to my opponent.
I also started taking belly dancing classes last week, and I’ve sort of been fighting with myself. Is it okay to do something just because I like it? Not because it has an ultimate purpose or an ultimate goal? But just because? I think it is, but it feels really uncomfortable. Is that something I lost? Do you have something like that?