Dick. You should have slowed down more. I thought you were slowing down more. I thought you had seen me and were slowing down to turn and let me go and were just doing that rolling slow thing. Then I realized you fucking weren’t and were even gonna speed up. Fuck.
Having said all that. There are very few street lamps around here and I should have been wearing a light. That’s on me. And you had the grace to stop and apologize while I was still just clutching my pearls. I believe you didn’t see me. Yeah. This one was me; I’m the dick. Sorry.
I had feeling like writing tonight and wasn’t sure quite what I wanted to say. A friend of mine in bible study, probably 70-some years old, was talking about her friend’s husband. He’ll be 90 soon and he has COPD and some other breathing thing… He just can’t breathe. This 90th birthday party is for him to say goodbye.
I was reflecting on there coming a time when things just don’t get better. When you can’t just do it later. There is no more time. That illness won’t heal. Things will be winding down. I hope that I’m lucky enough to know when my time is coming so I can wrap things up. Will I be scared then? Or will I feel an acceptance? I hope I feel acceptance.
I rescheduled my hip replacement surgery today, for November 10th. A Tuesday. Wee One will still be in kindergarten. (An online thing that I think it just going to suck.) She’ll have to be out that day, maybe that week. Maybe we’ll have to arrange something else.
Adulthood. I want to tell WO that the social things of high school and college don’t matter, but she won’t believe me, and I might even be wrong. They certainly matter at the time. But I think I would tell her there are things that matter more. That relationships she has – wait: I’ll speak for myself – this might not be true for her. The relationships I had back then, even if I lamented about them not being what I thought I wanted, were still valuable and still mine. They are the things that still matter now, when things that mattered then don’t anymore.
This has been a post and thought dump all rolled into one. Like a Weekend Coffee Share. A Midweek Coffee Share. Thanks for reading/listening. How have you been?
I Didn't Just Wake Up This Morning With A Craving 