October 23rd, approximately 3:45 pm, I felt a thump or muscle spasm way down low. But there is no reason for this spasm. Then I felt another one, and began thinking – could that be her? I poked it back. A little bit later, I felt another spasm, this time a little bit over. I poked that one, too.
I’ve been having these little spasms, these little thumps, for a little bit now, but I just assumed they had something to do with my growing body. I think that’s her, though.
I’m about to end my 20th week of pregnancy, and I’m looking forward to feeling her, so I might just be imagining things.
And actually, this brings me to something else: Something truly odd has happened to me over the past month. I would never have believe this was possible of me, but I am so excited about this baby. Not to sound like a cold-hearted bitch, but kids have never been my thang. Even after Cohiba and I started talk about the possibility of us having kids, sometimes I was feeling it, sometimes I wasn’t. Same with him.
I’ve had a few pregnancy scares before this, and I was disappointed when they didn’t come up with anything. But I got over it quickly, happy to live my own life. Then this pregnancy reality, and let me tell you, I was a mess. When I first found out, I was so anxious and upset – it actually hurt to breathe or sit still. Over time, tears and talks with friends, I realized my life wasn’t over and felt confident I could do this.
Then I started to think about reasons I wanted her. Not just to tolerate or accept her, but really want her. I even prayed about it – with her – and I believe it made a difference! I can’t wait to hold her or feel her skin on my cheek or smell her hair. I’m thinking of all the songs I’m gonna sing to her or things I’m gonna tell her when we’re walking outside.
So stay active, little one. We’re making plans to be with you.