Last week I made a list of things I can do one-handed, specifically, while holding a child. While I was doing that, I also thought of things I could not do.
As you read these, remember I’ve tried every one.
6. Pull my hair back. I thought I had worked out the mechanics, but that was only in my mind. The result was funny looking and totally ineffective.
5. Make ice. I can pour a soda, but only have ice if it’s already made.
4. Open a bottle of OJ.
3. Fold laundry. And on this, I even mean her small onsies that I only fold once. No joy. I even tried to fold them on her belly, but she pushed them off and I thought I would listen to my child.
2. Take a mini pizza out of the oven. In fact, Cohiba frowns on me doing anything with the oven when I’m holding her. Or the stove. Imagine that.
1. Brush my teeth. Alas, I would have thought I could do this, but it didn’t work. I can’t be a good mother and spit on my baby at the same time, I’ve decided.