Really Hard Right Now

I know marriage is hard, and parenting is hard, and moving is hard, and being a stay at home mom is hard, and communicating is hard, and living with anxiety is hard and it’s all really hard right now.

I haven’t sat down to write on anything but on my iphone in months, and it feels good to have my fingers pound furiously on the keys. Things are really hard right now with Creo Somnium and it just sucks.

It’s not hopeless – I know this shit will work itself out. We’ll find a place to live and get the insurance straight and I’ll get back on meds and my stomach will stop hurting and my back will stop cramping from bouncing the Wee One and she will begin sleeping better and I’ll make friends and know my way around town and have a car and license and debit card. (I lost my wallet in the move – it sucks!)

And there will come a day that I will miss all of this, this glorious life. I’ll miss nursing her without end and holding her and having her sleep on me and spending this time with Cohiba and being brand new to Washington and being a brand new mommy (with all that entails.)

But right now, my stomach is cramping and I keep jumping at any sound like her cry and I feel trapped and resentful and I miss home and my family and friends. It’s just really hard right now.