Awhile ago I reblogged a post on what it means to date a girl without a father, and I think there needs to be a follow up article on what it means to have a child with a woman without a father. Just like its tricky to date one, its tricky to start a family with one.
Here’s what you need to know:
That woman may be a loving wife and doting mother, but when it comes to you and your (her) child, she crumbles. She saw what her mother went through and the sacrifices she made and never planned on being this vulnerable with a man. She’s afraid of telling the child, “Daddy has to work” and hearing her mother’s voice, wondering if her own truth is her mother’s truth. She doesn’t want to live through that again.
Because here’s something you may not be prepared for: she has no idea what to expect from you. What do dads do? How do they interact with a child? How do they support a mother? What can she ask of you? She has never seen it before, not from up close, and chances are good that, like the dating article pointed out, she is still trying to “figure out the best way to avoid saying anything that will put a rift between her and someone she loves.” That will take some time; be patient.
Another thing you might see is her project shit from her own childhood onto this new child. If a mother has a greater fear than her own broken heart, its that of her child’s, and when she looks at her sweet baby’s face, she remembers the pain of abandonment and her heart weeps in fear that the little one will go through the same pain. Don’t take this personally; its not about you. Also, it’s okay to point out that her fears are projections and you are proving they’re unsubstantiated. Because you are proving that, every day you’re around.
Its not fair that you have to pay the price of another’s sin and she knows that; she’s sorry. Trust her to work on it like she’s trusting you to prove she should.