If we were having coffee, we would talk about friendship. How it changes over time and how we make different kinds of friends at different points in our lives.
Like you and me. We were such good friends as young teenagers, and really lost touch most of our lives. Then you came over to help me after I’d had the Wee One. I was pretty weak at that point, emotionally and physically, and you gave me so much strength. But our friendship is different from the kind I have with my later-in-life social work friends – the ones I talk with about social problems and the ones who fire me up. And different from the friendships I have with Rennie friends, the ones I play pretend with and who helped me integrate my “mother Sahara” identity with my “Sahara” identity. (Or “Avis,” in that context.)
Now I’m making friends in Washington. Mom friends, and its weird. We haven’t known each other that long and don’t really know each other that well, but we don’t have certain barriers I may have had with other friends. We nurse in front of each other and each into each other’s diaper bags to get something. We let each other watch our babies while we run to the restroom. They let me know I’m normal and doing okay. Finally, my Wee One is the best thing I’ve ever done, and the way I’m sharing her with them is new to me, just as she is new to me. I know you can relate. You talk about friends you made during your IVF days, bonds you formed.
If we were having coffee, you would tell me about your new home and how good life is coming for you. We talk about our kids. You would tell me how your twins are doing in school, and you would smile at the thought of them. Your kids bring you such joy and you seem so secure in your relationship with them; I really admire that. You tell me a story about a slumber party with the neighbor kids and we would talk about upcoming Halloween plans. This is the Wee One’s first halloween, and I’m having fun planning a costume for us and dreaming about the days ahead when she wants to play dress up.
If we were having coffee We would talk about our upcoming plans to visit our old high school. It will feel so good to be out there again seeing old friends. (That was really a theme of this date, wasn’t it?) We can’t decide if we want to get a beer before the game or after. Or both.
*With a friend of almost 20 years, Jaime.