But What About The Men?

Warning, or promise, depending on your perspective: Profanity laden rant ahead. Also, possible trigger warning for rape.

This* is something that has been nagging me for several weeks. Rape. Sexual assault. Sexual harassment. It’s been around forever. And as always, when a woman (for the purposes of this post, I’m excluding the male rape survivors) has the strength to admit this shit (because, I promise, every woman you know has a #metoo story of harassment and possibly rape), the ol’ boys from the back stand up, hitch their overalls, and say, “Well, wait a minute there. If this happened it would certainly be bad. But how do we know this is true? How do we know she’s telling the truth?”

No! Stop.

Don’t give me your fucking “It would certainly be bad IF…” No. I don’t wanna hear your “If.” It’s bad, full stop.

Why do you take his word over hers? Every time. Every single time! Most of the men and a lot of the women take his word over hers. Then, just like that, her job of talking about the most horrific thing in her life got so much harder. Now she has to prove this thing she doesn’t want to talk about actually happened. I know it’s not actually every time, but GRRRRR every time I do hear it, and I normally keep respectful when actually discussing this while inwardly rolling my eyes.

On Facebook, a friend posted an article about a woman convicted of lying about a guy raping her. A whole bunch of other responded with things like, “Man, she should really get some time! I hope her life is ruined. Look as what she did to these guys. Everyone should remember her name and tell all the men in their lives about her.  She basically tried to ruin this guy’s life. Something needs to be done about this false reporting trend.”

Ex-fucking-scuse me? Fucking trend?

The only fucking trend happening is the trend of not believing women. Why the fuck is it so fashionable to play the “devil’s advocate!?” And also, if you are really pissed off about a life being ruined, why aren’t you more angry about the rapes that happen all the time? Because while it doesn’t ruin a survivor’s life BECAUSE THEY ARE SURVIVORS, it sucks.

Also, I don’t hear you vilify the convicted rapists. You don’t say, “I hope his life is ruined. Everyone should remember his name and stay away from him.” That would actually be nice to hear! No, you just say, “Oh, that was a bad guy. Glad we got him.” While that is true, it’s bullshit. It’s just bullshit.

When you get riled up about the “poor men” and not about the fucking women who survive this, that tells me you aren’t really concerned about justice, you are concerned with protecting dicks with dicks. White dicks, in particular. The black ones are lynched.

And the thing is, one has a greater chance of being falsely accused of robbery. That’s how little this actually happens. Guys aren’t worried about being falsely accused of robbery. Why? Because they don’t rob? Then why are they worried about being falsely accused of rape? That’s illogical.

So I don’t want to hear it. Miss me with this victimization “this is a scary time for men” bullshit.

*This post was written in the heat of aggravation. In calmer moments, I acknowledge this post is laden with generalizations and an over simplification of a very complex problem.


6 thoughts on “But What About The Men?

  1. THANK YOU! I had a friend post something similar recently about women falsely accusing me and deserving to get time for it. I asked if she should serve more or less time than Brock Turner who got out after 3 months and he was CAUGHT IN THE ACT.

    The victims are too often guilty until proven innocent instead of the other way around.

    1. And the guys are like, so fucking righteous about it! “Well, our lives could be ruined. I’m scared to even talk to a woman.” I once had a guy tell me, “I’m scared to give a woman a compliment.” Then fucking don’t! We don’t exist for your fucking enjoyment! I don’t give a shit what you think! Argh. Wouldn’t it be so nice to not get unsolicited “compliments?” Even when they’re kind and sincere, you still have to do the work of figuring it out.

      1. I would have asked him, “If you’re scared to say it, should you even be saying it at all? Is it really a compliment? You know come-ons are not compliments, right?”

        Someone asked me “What about your sons, aren’t you worried about them?” But I’m not, because they are boys. There is a miniscule chance they’ll be accused of doing something they didnt, but if they were girls there would be a 100% chance of being harassed if not outright assulted.

  2. I think that the men who bring up the “false reporting trends” and that it is a scary time for men are the guilty ones who should be watched very carefully. It is scary for them because they are the ones exhibiting the wrong sort of behaviour towards women and it frightens them that they might actually be made accountable for their actions, so they try to misdirect and insinuate that it is a witch hunt against them. I have no time for these men and how they bully themselves into power, they are revolting in the extreme.

    It is constantly a scary time for women all the time and there is no comparison a male can make to the contrary of this position. Women shouldn’t be silenced or scared to talk about their encounters, it takes a hell of a lot of courage to come forward at any time regardless of how long ago it was since the event took place and men should always have their lives ruined for their despicable behaviour. Women are just trying to protect others from falling foul of the same fate and as such should be treated with respect and kindness, in order to help them get over the trauma of what they are going through.

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