This is another post I started and abandoned, probably in late 2015.
I found a blog that referred to going through life on auto-pilot. Before these big changes of a baby and a move, I felt like I was doing this, going through life on auto-pilot.
I don’t want to go back to it, especially here in this new place. Seattle holds a lot of promise for me. Like I can become anything.
I don’t know if I want to stay with the homeless. I once had a part time job in a greenhouse for a year and really liked that, so something outdoors? Something writing and arty? Something Rennie?
That was all I had written before, and unfortunately, I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress in the interim. Though this fall, I’ve been actively thinking about what to do next. Wee One started school.
It’s just pre-school, it’s just half day, it’s just a few days a week, but for the first few weeks I had a really hard time. I think I became a little depressed. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I slept a lot. Wasted time on my phone. I wondered: Is this it? Is it over?
Time has passed and I’ve tried to be more active and constructive in my day, and that’s made me feel better. I started taking a Creative Writing class with Coursera and that has helped. It has helped my writing and helped me feel productive. I have a little place to sit by the window.
I also started going to a church I found through a friend. Her father is the pastor and her family is huge, so I know a lot of people there. And, best of all, she has two little girls about Wee One’s age, so WO can go and play with friends, have fun memories, and learn about God. I like going.
These small steps are the most I have done so far. For right now, they’re enough.