Swept Up In Memories

I went to a new fertility specialist On Wednesday. *

I went into an exam room for an ultra sound, and seeing the ultrasound screen took my breath away.

Everything came back from my pregnancy with Wee One: the first time I saw her, terrified and uncomfortable with that wand of violation. I was starting something completely completely new. After a few months, I started to look forward to ultrasounds, because then I got to see her. I felt so much looking at the screen: dread, wonder, curiosity, excitement, fear, awe, vulnerability.

I remember bring so scared; I leaned on the medical staff so much. Phew.

*I’m optimistic about working with this fertility doc; way different than the last one. I hate having to look into this, though. We’ve been trying for three years and I still feel a punch in the gut when I see a FB pregnancy announcement. It sucks.