I have an old friend who was always funny, throwing out quick little barbs here and there, and as we’ve gotten older her wit has sharpened to the point I read her Facebook posts in awe of her ability.
She does not write (but is a gifted photographer!) and since true genius really stands on the shoulders of giants, I’m going curate her more amusing posts.
Then there was the gas station cashier with the 4 foot long, nicotine-stained, eagle talon fingernails, who did the following:
Iron Eagle: *fly-blown smoker voice* “You usin’ a debit card, Hon?”
Me: “That is correct.”
Iron Eagle: “WAIT. Waaaait. Waaaait. *eagle talons held up like Evita Peron* Wait. And SLIIIIIIIIDE!!!!” This last word was f**king screamed and the talon raked through the air like she was waving the checkered flag at Talladega. Scaring the living s**t out of me and making me drop my card.
Get a grip, lady. Jesus.
And that’s just Jess.
I Didn't Just Wake Up This Morning With A Craving 