What It Means To Have A Child With A Girl Without A Father

Awhile ago I reblogged a post on what it means to date a girl without a father, and I think there needs to be a follow up article on what it means to have a child with a woman without a father. Just like its tricky to date one, its tricky to start a family with one.

Here’s what you need to know:

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What It Means To Date A Girl Without A Father

I am sharing a link to this article because I don’t know that I’ve ever read it put into better words, the way it feels, or rather, the way it feels for me now: The abandonment and abuse of my birth father. I wonder about him and if and how I tie into his familyCan I lose something I don’t know if I had?

…that is the most terrifying thing she has ever learned. If the only man she ever truly needed left when she was not done needing him, it is fair game for anyone else to decide it’s not worth it. For anyone else to decide she’s not worth it.

“Always have a back door” was been my unofficial motto, like, forever. Never be trapped. Never be in a place that I can not handle or get out of on my own.  Even after marriage, the lack of trust still crops up, sadly.

Here’s a link that works.

The Loss Trilogy, pt 2

Several weeks ago, I wrote about losing or not having a father.  I’d like to continue those thoughts on something I found: a father figure.

A few years ago, at a football game at my old high school, the marching band director was going to be recognized for 25 years of teaching. Since Cohiba and I met in marching band, we both went back to see him, and a lot of people we had known were also there. It was fun.

That night, he was really happy to see that Cohiba and I were together, he asked about our parents, he knew about my accident and asked about my life since then. Later, I was listening to him talk to the band – so familiar – and remembering how it felt to hear him say the things he said – so encouraging.

I realized this was the only man who was in my life consistently and regularly during a traditionally challenging and influential time in a person’s life. He was also the only man I’ve ever really trusted before Cohiba. He set boundaries with me, scolded me when I was a brat, and encouraged me to do the right thing. He did the things for me I imagine a father would do.

I treasure my memories of him.

*Writing 101 Day 13

Pale Whisper – The Loss Trilogy, Pt. 1

Something I was thinking about this morning coincides with the Writing 101 prompt to write about a loss: my birth father and the loss of him, or rather, the absence of him, in my life.  I don’t know that I can say “loss,” ‘cause I don’t remember a time I “had” him. I’ve talked about him a bit before, and I’ve said that he’s abusive, but I haven’t gone into detail about what he did.

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Sensitivity training

daily prompt invited me to write about my weaknesses, or rather, the harshest but really accurate piece of feedback (criticism) I’ve ever gotten.  I started to comment on it a few days ago, but got sidetracked.

I found this prompt asking me to poke into corners of my memory better left undisturbed, the neat packages that you can barely see for the shadows around them. Because I rarely poke into them, I liked the challenge of looking into something new. So, though I’m a few days late to reply to this prompt, I still like the exercise.

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