Something I was thinking about this morning coincides with the Writing 101 prompt to write about a loss: my birth father and the loss of him, or rather, the absence of him, in my life. I don’t know that I can say “loss,” ‘cause I don’t remember a time I “had” him. I’ve talked about him a bit before, and I’ve said that he’s abusive, but I haven’t gone into detail about what he did.
Tag: Family
Since marriage…
It’s almost two months that I’ve been married, and last night I did a memory book of the detritus I had collected during wedding trip in Disney World. (Yeah – I’m a Disney bride.) Now I’ve got my Sherlock pipe and I’m ruminating on things that are different now.
One big change since I got married is that people respond to me differently. When I called him my “boyfriend” or “fiance,” they responded less seriously to it than when I talk about my “husband.”
For example: “I need to talk to my boyfriend/fiancé” about a decision means they’ll keep talking to me about it. When I say, “I need to talk to my husband” about the same decision, they shut up. Like they respect the role of “wife” more than “fiancée” or “girlfriend.”
Anther difference, and I’m sure this is normal, is that I’m thinking longer term. Will we buy land? What kind of house will we build? Where? Can we raise a family there? The cool thing is, I’m thinking about this stuff, and I’m not freaking out. I’m a bit of a commitment-phobe, so this is a big deal.
I know yet even more what I want: I want to build a tiny house. I want to write more, a book. I want to live more in faith. I want to act in the Renaissance Faire. I WANT to do these things, even though I may miss on something better that comes along. For so long in my life I’ve been drifting around hoping to catch the Better Thing that people stumble onto, but now I don’t think that’s real. I don’t think Something Better will come along. Maybe it’s all Better. It’s just a choice.
Moreover, I’m not afraid to try things because I know my husband is behind me, is with me. Which brings me to my last point: I’m not alone anymore. I was so alone before him, and I didn’t even know it. What a wonderful discovery, and even better that I can make it with my Cohiba.
Update: I also second everything my Texan sister said. (Except for the surgery on the honeymoon part – that sucks.) How funny that we posted this on the same day!
Like a challenge? You’ll love this
Like many of my fellow writers, I enjoy a good prompt. (Sometimes the ideas swarming around in here are too much to organize, and we need a filter to streamline them!) I found a blogger who is doing a 52 goals in 52 weeks challenge, and I’m going to copy it, do something like that.
Since we’re in the middle of April, there are 36 weeks left in the year, and I’m going to take on 36 goals in 36 weeks. I like that number. It’s the square of 6, it has balance. So: 36/36 Challenge.
I like balance
Here are the things I’ll be doing:
Wedding Glee Ep. 2
I am getting married in Disney World (DW) in 5 days! Eee! I am so excited, of course for the wedding, but also for the week-long opportunity to explore Disney World! Cohiba and I always get so much joyful play-time out of it.
One thing that I really like about DW is that, each time, I have found new things to do, things that make it more special. These are some new things I hope to find this time:
In Magic Kingdom:
Inspiration Engine v.4 – Grief
This is a weekly post I do to highlight blogs or bloggers who have inspired me in some way during this week. I’m a little late finding posts for this, as my grandmother passed away last Friday and we were dealing with that this week. In the small amount of time, however, I did find something:
Nothing wrong with a little contemplation
Is there anything like a funeral to put you in a contemplative mood? We buried my grandmother yesterday, and it’s kind of been a little hard for the past few days as we held the wake and the funeral.
Grandma had a complicated relationship with all three of her daughters and then, by extension, me. She could be a bitch on wheels and she drank way too much, which is probably why she could be so loose and cruel with her tongue. Then I remember my last phone call with her and how sweet it was. So that makes me think about love and different ways of showing it.
Continue reading “Nothing wrong with a little contemplation”
Last Words to my Dying Grandma
My grandma’s dying. Not just in the sense that we’re all dying, but she’s ready to go now. She’s signed her DNR papers. She’s getting a last communion tonight. All her daughters are with her right now. I had called my mom for details and was kind of regretting not being there to see grandma before she goes, and mom offered to let me talk to her. I felt a surge of sad gratefulness that I could talk to her again. But what would I say?
Sensitivity training
A daily prompt invited me to write about my weaknesses, or rather, the harshest but really accurate piece of feedback (criticism) I’ve ever gotten. I started to comment on it a few days ago, but got sidetracked.
I found this prompt asking me to poke into corners of my memory better left undisturbed, the neat packages that you can barely see for the shadows around them. Because I rarely poke into them, I liked the challenge of looking into something new. So, though I’m a few days late to reply to this prompt, I still like the exercise.
Blink and its 2016
My 20 year high school reunion is this fall. I don’t know if I can make it back to the US to go to it; my research is just getting started here in Bath, and we’ve spent so much money traveling. We’re living the dream.
I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant. That’s the big thing on my mind, the big thing that would keep me here. I haven’t found a doctor here, yet, but I need to do that right away. This is kind of what Cohiba and I have been planning all along, so I’m not upset, just nervous/excited. If my baby’s born here, it’ll be a British citizen. It may call me mum instead of mom!
Facebook is the new wedding ceremony?
As I’m planning my wedding, I’ve been reading lots of magazines and hearing others’ stories of their wedding day, and one thing has come through as very important: How precious it is to be surrounded by people who you (and your spouse) love and who love and support you two as a couple. I love that idea, and have been feeling it as I”m planning. I’m especially learning that now. Continue reading “Facebook is the new wedding ceremony?”
I Didn't Just Wake Up This Morning With A Craving 