I Write To Stop Time
24 years.
Perhaps you’ll notice I’m writing a little bit more. Wee One (WO) is about to start first grade, and, as of right now, we’re still planning to send her to school, though I think we’ve just decided to keep her online for a semester.
Continue reading “Trying To Stop Time”Last Sunday, Wee One (WO), during our informal outdoor church service, started to raise her hand. The pastor was talking, so I told her to wait. She sat with her hands folded on her lap, waiting patiently, and just before communion, I got the pastor’s attention and said WO had something she wanted to share. I had no idea what she’d say.
Continue reading “My Budding Apiologist*”I met the coolest girls last week. Wee One and I were at the zoo, waiting in line to go on a ride on a camel. (the first time either of us have gone on the camel ride) they were in about junior high, these two girls, and after a little while in line, they started talking to WO.
Continue reading “Kids Can Be So Cool”Trigger Warning: Sexual Advances towards Children, Internalized Misogyny.
A parent posed a question in a crunchy parenting Facebook group about her nine year old daughter wearing “sexy” clothes; short shorts and crop tops. She wanted to know how to tell her daughter it was not okay to wear those clothes. I immediately thought about how I would try to say something similar to Wee One (WO), and I looked ahead at to see what other parents suggested. You know, tips for the future. That’s when I realize my internalized misogyny.
Continue reading “Unwanted Sexual Advances”I feel like I need to write tonight. Maybe an early Weekend Coffee Share. Maybe a Weekend White Claw share. (A WC share. Don’t mock; it’s a light something to drink in the summer.)
Fireworks are going off around me, and I kind of feel bad. When I was in the hospital for my gallbladder a few years ago, it was on July 3rd and 4th. I was on a floor for pre-op patients, but they also brought brought up patients in psychiatric crisis, too.
Continue reading “Fireworks”I was looking back in my post archives, and came across this list, this travel bucket list. My ultimate places to go. I probably wrote this pre-2008 because, as you can see, I have done a few things. The italics are the old list.
The equator. Stand on both sides of it. See if water swirls in the opposite direction in the Southern Hemisphere.
What does it smell like in the Sistine Chapel? (TM Goodwill Hunting)
Ferry from Spain to Morocco.
Visit the Kilns and see where C.S. Lewis is buried.
Auschwitz
Northern Lights
Montana
Maine. Maybe go to Northeastern most post.
UP (Michigan)
Scotland
Italy
Boston
Things changed once I had Wee One (WO), and then again after COVID. Pre-COVID, Cohiba had to travel, often every week or every other week. I hated it. And pre-COVID, if we didn’t have WO, we wanted to go to places the farther out, the better. Hopefully some place I’ve never been.
I was in Missouri in May for the Central Missouri Renaissance Fair, (I got my COVID vaccines and feel comfortable having WO outside with people), and it felt so exotic. I haven’t traveled in so long. We got an air BnB in St. Louis for a few days, saw some friends, my folks, and some sights, then the fair. As my friends, Denise, Amy, and I were meeting with our kids (we are all couch surfers from way back and are new mothers now), we talked about traveling and where we might want to go, now that we’re vaccinated.
Our lists seemed so little. Like I’ll go back to St. Louis this year. Or they could come around me now in Ohio. Or like, go to Iowa City, where Denise and I had surfed before. It was so different from how it had been, and not just because of the kids. COVID has changed so much, and we have changed as we’ve responded to it.
How about you? Are you looking at things differently?
I got some news tonight. It might be nothing, it might be something.
With apologies for being so vague, I’m not ready to share the details. But it manifested itself in one of those phone calls/conversations that comes with News. News that can Change Things. Hopefully, you only have a handful of those in your life. Conversations that draw a line between Before and After.
Continue reading “Did You Color My Lenses?”Today, I got back from a week long trip back to Missouri with Wee One (WO). We visited some people, including my folks, and then went to a Renaissance Fair out there with some friends – things we haven’t done since Before Times. It was awesome. She quickly made friends from other reenacting families, and I could hear her delighted laughter from across the field.
On our trip, we stayed in different hotels and one air BnB, bed sharing the whole time. We are not strangers to bed sharing, though once she started sleeping in her own room, we haven’t slept together save a few family slumber parties.
Continue reading “Sleeping with Wee One”The questions come so fast I can barely collect them.
“Mama?” (She always begins with the question, “Mama?” Even if she’s already talking to me. She just has to get my attention special for the next comment.) “What does fair and square mean?”
Continue reading “Why, Indeed?”An update to a previous post, “On the Edge of Two Eternities.”
Flashback: Bike rides and summer days. My dad’s trumpet. Climbing the trees in my backyard. Moving to a different part of town for high school, feeling like I was telling the story from 90210. Marching band, and cool football night air on my cheeks sunburned from a week of afternoon practices. A threatening interaction before college, a direct result of my dad’s shit. Car accident, coma, hard work and a triumphant return to building a life. Dad was cheating again in a way that threatened to put me out of school. This time, for the first time, I have the power to stop him from hurting me, and I do. He hasn’t talked to me since. I get closer to God and deal with health issues stemming from the accident. I backpack in England and Poland, and get a Master’s degree while working full-time. A trombone player from that high school marching band finds me and we marry, happy to have someone to sit with. We have a little girl, the most magical being we can imagine. We have an adventure in Seattle before moving to Ohio. I get my hip replaced and fall in love with Muay Thai.
“In any weather, at any hour of the day or night, I have been anxious to improve the nick of time, and notch it on my stick too; to stand on the meeting of two eternities, the past and future, which is precisely the present moment; to toe that line.” H.D. Thoreau
Flash forward
I am blessed enough to get pregnant again, so I decide to homeschool our daughter until she can get a COVID vaccine or until the baby is born, whichever comes first. We all get vaccinated and can see my mother again, and I can go back to Ren Fair. I keep raising out kids and creating as I can, particularly a social justice movement in Columbus. Finally, we buy land in the Wenatchee forest to be back close to Seattle. We build a small home, explore the mountains and read together under the trees.
I Didn't Just Wake Up This Morning With A Craving 