“Mom! I need you.”

Over night has been rainy, but it’s now dry enough to sit on the pathway in my neighborhood. It’s chilly for August. I’m in long sleeves.


My daughter just called me, but I think she got distracted. We went on a search for mud this morning; my headache demands an outing with little exertion.e

Now she’s sitting under a tree, digging. She’s wearing a new dress we got yesterday that is, miraculously, not really getting dirty. What a good play dress.

There’s a horse farm across the street, but they have corn growing this year, too. When I look up over the fields, the broad leafed trees behind them and a mist settling on them, I always get lost in imagining flying over them or being surrounded by them. Like that bird calling right now.

It has been 23 years since the accident. 23 years, today. What a 23 years.

Now she wants me to shake bush limbs over her head to pretend it’s raining on her. Those grey clouds tell me real rain is coming again.

Some Days Are Hard

The tag line on this blog is “I write to stop time,” and as I get older, I find I want to stop time more and more. (Actually, I don’t know if that’s true. There were moments I loved and wanted to hold onto when I was younger. Of course, I destroyed all my journals from before the accident and those are the memories I don’t have.)

I have to begin letting go.

Right now, Wee One is in a phase when she tells me, “You need me!” which means, “I need you,” or “I want you here with me.”

I used to say that to my mom. I would say, “I wanna hold you.”

Continue reading “Some Days Are Hard”