As so many people before me, as I have gotten older, I have become way more comfortable in my skin and with who I am.
Category: Life – It doesn’t live itself
Oooh, too far.
Off limit humor! This is a great thing to think about today! Cohiba and I talk about this a lot. Or rather, his witty and smart ass makes a joke that’s maybe a little too far. When that happens, we have a special ritual. Continue reading “Oooh, too far.”
Je t’adore aussi
One particular smell that is dear to me for the memories is the perfume I’m wearing right now: J’Adore.
Shall I Really Say Never?
I’m very careful about saying “never again” to something because I hate eating crow. But, I’ve had several experiences to which I have said “never a-fucking-gain.” If it merits an expletive, I’m willing to go out on that limb that I might be wrong.
Satellites and Dreams
When I was a kid, I wanted to go to Mars! I was gonna be the first woman to land on Mars.
Now I’m a social worker, trying to lead my career into one of research and publication. It’s not even close to Mars, but what is the same is my aspiration to do research, to lead into new areas, and to be a daring Wonder Woman.
Lucky ’13
Lucky ’13, I called this year, choosing not to look at the “bad luck” connotations associated with the number 13.
I didn’t get into any PhD programs, I’m still doing the drug and alcohol thing for work. I’m so frustrated about that, but getting to practice having faith and trying again. I wanna be smart about my decisions. There are going to be several things that make me more attractive to programs this go ’round.
Yet there are other promising things as well.
A Case of Me
My first weekly writing challenge – a recipe for me:
Finely chop three sticks of imagination, two sticks of research and one of play. Put to the side under sunlight.
In a bowl, mix a base of Marvel deck building games, logic puzzles and bicycles. Do not forget to include a fresh helmet and eraser.
Spread mix evenly onto a sheet of books (historical fiction for the best flavor). Sprinkle with the spice of Renaissance fairs.
Blend the chopped pieces of imagination, research and play at Disney World with a splash of Doctor Who until creamy and slowly wind onto the base layer around into a labyrinth.
Place both in the sun for a full eight hours. If you put any of this in the oven, it will fall flat. It is better in the sun, and if you find a spot with a breeze, it will flower.
When you bring the dishes back inside, place the books over the labyrinth, cut and serve, garnished with a Churchill cigar.
A cold stream of spiritual water
Oh, to find another direction, friends, to find another direction.
My spirit is being sucked dry by such a large part of my life that other parts are left barren.
And resentment is building up, too, I just realized. A lot of resentment.
Wow.
I’m thankful that I wrote this tonight, friends, because I didn’t realize how much resentment was building up, but it’s a lot. I did a quick Google search on this, and found some Buddhist wisdom. The one that really jumps out at me right now is to check one’s expectations, to just do something for the sake of doing it. To just do it because I can. Because I’m good at it. Because it’s a service. Because it guides the current we’re all swimming in, and that’s all.
Simple and, right now, for me – profound. Thanks for reading.
“Do you wanna hang out?” Ummm…
Whether or not I feel energized after spending time with a group of people depends on the group of people, the energy in the group, and whether they’re givers or takers.
There was a group of mostly women that I met and made art with once a month. We all had art journals and passed them around, working in each other’s books. Most of us were social workers/lawyers/lobbyists/public health workers, and we talked a lot about ideas and social justice. We were around the same age, a few with children, most not, and differing faiths. Being with them was amazing
Far Far Far and Away Away Away
When I was a little girl, I wanted to be an astronaut. Actually, I wanted to be the first woman to go to Mars. (I figured that men would already be there, and I already knew, even at five years old, that women had less privilege than men, and I thought it was that much more important that I go.)
In my imagination, the furthest I’ve traveled from home is into space, into a black hole. They are fascinating to a nerd like me, devoid of time, gravity pulling everything to it. Nothing can escape; not even light. I used to like to draw a black hole and the event horizon surrounding it, the point at which you can’t turn back.
Why haven’t we been sucked into one, yet? Like, why haven’t all the black holes been sucking all the matter in space so much that there is no matter? And where is the center? There has to be a point of, like, zero gravity, if you will, the point at which the sucking stops. Where is that? What’s that like? Is there a vacuum bag? Where do all the rocks go, the rocks that are sucked in?
For realz, physically, the farthest I’ve been from home is Krakow, Poland. It was gorgeous and fun. The Krakovian members of the travel community couchsurfing.com organized a weekend of events, and I went a few days early. Poland had not originally been on my list of places to visit, but it was totally worth it
Emotionally, the farthest I’ve been from home was probably August 3rd, 1997, a little town in the boot heel of Missouri. The darkest night of my life.
I Didn't Just Wake Up This Morning With A Craving 