Five things to be happy for

God, Higher Power, Ultimate Creator: Thank you for trees and sun and the shade they produce next to each other. Thank you for the sound of running water and the splashes on my feet and calves when I cross it. Thank you for the healing that come through those things. Thank you for my Cohiba and the love we share.

Next stage in my life: Thank you for being there.  Please wait for me.  I look forward to you. Current stage in my life: thank you for letting me grow in you.

Humor: Thank you for popping up at unpredictable times during the day.

Voice: Thank you for projecting, laughing, and revealing parts of me so I’m not alone.

Arms and legs: Thank you for hugging and cycling and stretching and experiencing the world.

 

Breathe in the face of anxiety

Last week, a group of Tibetan monks were creating a mandala in a Tibetan store down the street from where I work.  I was at part of the opening ceremony and then dropped in the next day to see the progress that had been made on it. Just a little background, I love this store anyway.  Like entering another world, it has a wonderful environment and is full of good energy.  When I get frustrated at work, it’s a good place to play some singing bowls and get away from homeless addicts for a few minutes. I love it there. And last week, it got even better. Continue reading “Breathe in the face of anxiety”

This is not my life

Yesterday was particularly challenging here at work.  I went downstairs, away from the eyes and comments of the clients, and cried. I was gloomy on the drive home. It was no fun.

I got home, and I made buckwheat crepes, my new favorite thing in the world. I took a long walk in the trees, read and imagined work I would do on my research.  I cleaned my kitchen. I prepared veggies to make another kind of crepe in my dehydrator. I finished a chocolate shake from the freezer.  This is my life.  All the stuff from work, though it takes up so much of my day, is not my life.  I have a life. The prying eyes and shady characters trying to hit on me are not it.

This is something I’ve been meditating on all evening and this morning, and it helps.

Being Thursday and almost Friday isn’t bad, either. 🙂

A cold stream of spiritual water

Oh, to find another direction, friends, to find another direction.

My spirit is being sucked dry by such a large part of my life that other parts are left barren.

And resentment is building up, too, I just realized. A lot of resentment.

Wow.

I’m thankful that I wrote this tonight, friends, because I didn’t realize how much resentment was building up, but it’s a lot. I did a quick Google search on this, and found some Buddhist wisdom. The one that really jumps out at me right now is to check one’s expectations, to just do something for the sake of doing it. To just do it because I can. Because I’m good at it. Because it’s a service. Because it guides the current we’re all swimming in, and that’s all.

Simple and, right now, for me – profound. Thanks for reading.

When maturity pays off…

I’m pretty opinionated, but not always educated about those opinions.  Or rather, my education was limited.  I imagine that’s normal for someone as they’re growing up, and I was hellbent on making change. I think that’s normal, and maybe even a little bit good to have so much energy to work for something.  (Sidebar: My energy has been waning for a while, though, after eight years in my current job, and I afraid I’m so burned out that I’ll need another eight years to recover.)

Several of my social views have not changed, but have actually gotten stronger.

Continue reading “When maturity pays off…”

Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you

Hey.

Hey you.

Obstinance.

Stubbornness.

You need to get out.

No, really.  You need to bug off, and get out of here, now.

No, you can’t stay.  You cause me trouble at work, trouble with my clients, trouble with my family, trouble with Cohiba, even.  You bring out the worst in me.

Plus, Obstinance, you’re a bully. You choke up creativity and you stifle kindness. You completely abandon love and even responsibility.

While you did help after the accident, Tenacity and Determination and I could have done it without you.  Actually, come to think of it, we did do it without you – you just tripped over our feet from time to time.  If you hadn’t helped, I wouldn’t have cussed out my nurses. I wouldn’t have unlocked myself from the wheelchair and pulled myself back into bed (which was really dangerous, by the by). There’s a lot of stupid stuff I’ve done that I don’t like; I just did it because of you.

So, listen, it’s not me, it’s you, and it’s just not gonna work. Smell ya later.

(This break-up brought to you courtesy of the Daily prompt)

Under the Covers

In response to the Daily Prompt in which we are asked to : Describe a memory or encounter in which you considered your faith, religion, spirituality — or lack of — for the first time.

I love this prompt. I love this topic and I love God, a loving God who has always been with me, no matter what I did or railed against them.

Like anyone, I imagine, I’ve had a twisted path to this God.

Continue reading “Under the Covers”