This is the second installment of my top 10 90’s movies (Read the first one here.) Most of these movies came out when I was a little older, in college. They are in “chronological” order, meaning time of meaningfulness in my life.
My mother was a cleaning lady, cleaning other people’s homes. Our own home was never so clean – her boyfriends never picked up after themselves. Our own home was filthy, and I couldn’t stand to be there. My own home is spotless, not a blemish to be seen.
If we were having coffee, a very large group beats us to the counter to order. We try to decide if they’re family, because they’re of varying ages, or a social group, because they’re all in athletic gear (football, to be exact) and carrying a ball with them. Perhaps both? you guess. This is Super Bowl Sunday, I say, and you shake your head. I think I hear you grumble something about ‘thank God that’ll be over,’ referring to football season, but I smile because I know you’re teasing.
I have been thinking all week about ‘happiness’ since we talked about it, and I thought of something else I do to promote happiness in myself – when the automatic negative thoughts begin to run the train track around my head, I deliberately point out to myself the blessings I have, which is easy to do when I have a child as wonderful as my Wee One.
If we were having coffee, our greeting hug would be long. Its been about a month since we’ve seen each other, and had the holidays and a lot of life in that time.
We’re meeting in a different place-an almost quintessential Seattle coffeehouse, in an A-frame with fresh flowers peeking out of odd corners and colorful art of winter animals-and we’re torn with the desire to look around and take in the environment.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the trip home wasn’t as relaxing as I had hoped, and I’m happy to be back in my own place. Things were tense with my own family, and you raise an eyebrow to hear that. Your mother? you guess, and I happily tell you that she and I seem to be back on track right now. No, its someone else, and it was just tense. There was even one time I was afraid some of the trouble would be directed at my Wee One, so my mama hackles were up. I just hate when people are dicks, I say. Why do people have to be fucking dicks? You laugh at me in sympathy.
There was also that flooding and snow in the Midwest, which jacked up my flights and added to the already stressful prospect of flying with the baby. When we were with Cohiba’s family, though, he and I got to go out alone a few times, and that was nice. But I’m glad to be home and back to my routine with the Wee One. I didn’t even realize that we were so much in a routine until we got out of it.
If we were having coffee, I would tell you I got together with couch surfers! I haven’t seen these guys in so long. One of them is living in London, another lives in Costa Rica, another is recently married and pregnant, another just got back from living in Colorado, and another is getting treated for testicular cancer. Life, you know? But I was looking around the table and reflecting on the stories and memories I have with them all. Going home is good for that.
A couple at the table next to us is playing a tabletop game and they shuffle their deck of cards for the 10th time. Her hair and makeup are really well done, and we wonder if its a date.
If we were having coffee, we would talk about our upcoming plans for the year. Not quite resolutions, but having the holidays behind us gives us the chance to think about the future without getting overwhelmed by immediate requirements. I plan to play the Seattle tourist, I say, and mention that I already went to the Seattle Art Museum to see a special Impressionism exhibit. I took the Week One because I know how important these next few years are to her neural development. I want to give her the best chance I can.
I’m planning to take her to a skiing lodge tomorrow. I mean, Cohiba is going skiing with friends, and I’m going with them with the Wee One. They just had a baby as well, and I’ll watch them both. I have absolutely no desire to ski – Cohiba has tried! – but I want to see our friends and the mountains and, who knows? Maybe I’ll change my mind.
But I don’t think so.
I Can’t Stay Mad at You
My birth father doesn’t know about the Wee One. At least, I didn’t tell him, though in these days of internet, he may know. His first grandchild, and he doesn’t know – we haven’t talked in 14 years. In the past, the few times we did talk, I was resentful of him and the years of abuse, but I was also hopeful for reconciliation. Then, when his current wife was reaching out to me, (a really fucking interesting series of conversations there),
If we were having coffee, I would be quietly sipping a ginger tea. You ask me about it, since I’m normally such an avid coffee drinker, and I’m quiet for a moment. I have trouble telling you the anxiety I’ve struggled with since college, which seems to have gotten worse since we moved. I have stomachaches almost every day, hence the ginger tea.
For this week’s top 10 Tuesday, I’m considering book characters I’d want as family members.
1, Professor Lupin, the Harry Potter series. I think he’s be a distant uncle, or maybe not that distant, so I could talk to him a lot. He’s wise and humble.
Awhile ago I reblogged a post on what it means to date a girl without a father, and I think there needs to be a follow up article on what it means to have a child with a woman without a father. Just like its tricky to date one, its tricky to start a family with one.
Here’s what you need to know:
Over the years in social work training and practice, I have become a pretty good communicator, except when it comes to you. Maybe it’s because our time together has been so emotional and dramatic, for lack of a better word. We’ve been through shit together.
Of all the things a Stallone flick can offer an audience, profound depth is not often among them. Yet a hidden gem about relationships in the first Rocky film makes it an exception. (One that proves the rule? You decide.)