I Write To Understand. I Write To Stop Time
Lucky ’13, I called this year, choosing not to look at the “bad luck” connotations associated with the number 13.
I didn’t get into any PhD programs, I’m still doing the drug and alcohol thing for work. I’m so frustrated about that, but getting to practice having faith and trying again. I wanna be smart about my decisions. There are going to be several things that make me more attractive to programs this go ’round.
Yet there are other promising things as well.
Are you serious with this today!? This has SOOO been on my mind this week!! I am so soul-drained in my current position and have been looking for how to transition into a different career.
I love research. I tried to get into a PhD program this fall (without success) and will try again for next fall. I know I need to brush up on statistics (which I haven’t had in over 10 years), and I’ll be taking a class in that this fall, but a subject I would also like to master is economics! I love the logic in economics and the concreteness of it – social work doesn’t have that. It’s all instinct and love and humanity. <sigh> And humans are jacked up, y’all! 🙂
I’m considering some getting another master’s degree, but this time in economics! I have a natural interest in it and I think it fits well with my research and future practice interests – poverty and systems that reinforce it. I’m check out a few online master of economics programs, and Cohiba and I are talking about me doing it. I am currently plagues by insecurities. Will Cohiba hate that I no longer contribute like I am now? What will I do with it once I’m done? What if I start it and hate it?
But if I could take a break from life, like a pocket of time that would be for whatever I wanted to master, it would be economics.
My first weekly writing challenge – a recipe for me:
Finely chop three sticks of imagination, two sticks of research and one of play. Put to the side under sunlight.
In a bowl, mix a base of Marvel deck building games, logic puzzles and bicycles. Do not forget to include a fresh helmet and eraser.
Spread mix evenly onto a sheet of books (historical fiction for the best flavor). Sprinkle with the spice of Renaissance fairs.
Blend the chopped pieces of imagination, research and play at Disney World with a splash of Doctor Who until creamy and slowly wind onto the base layer around into a labyrinth.
Place both in the sun for a full eight hours. If you put any of this in the oven, it will fall flat. It is better in the sun, and if you find a spot with a breeze, it will flower.
When you bring the dishes back inside, place the books over the labyrinth, cut and serve, garnished with a Churchill cigar.
Oh, to find another direction, friends, to find another direction.
My spirit is being sucked dry by such a large part of my life that other parts are left barren.
And resentment is building up, too, I just realized. A lot of resentment.
Wow.
I’m thankful that I wrote this tonight, friends, because I didn’t realize how much resentment was building up, but it’s a lot. I did a quick Google search on this, and found some Buddhist wisdom. The one that really jumps out at me right now is to check one’s expectations, to just do something for the sake of doing it. To just do it because I can. Because I’m good at it. Because it’s a service. Because it guides the current we’re all swimming in, and that’s all.
Simple and, right now, for me – profound. Thanks for reading.
Yay! I like the idea given in the daily prompt, to begin to compare your most-viewed posts and piece together what may attract people to your blog. Research and stats in action.
My top four posts include posts about personal things, and prompts that really spoke to me. My top posts are my personal favorites as well. I felt like I really had something to say and they practically wrote themselves.
Have you ever had that? When something writes itself? There’s a story I wrote in college like that, and I wish I knew how to tap into that energy more. Are there other bloggers who are able to do that and may I ask how?
Here are a few other thoughts from other bloggers:
Whether or not I feel energized after spending time with a group of people depends on the group of people, the energy in the group, and whether they’re givers or takers.
There was a group of mostly women that I met and made art with once a month. We all had art journals and passed them around, working in each other’s books. Most of us were social workers/lawyers/lobbyists/public health workers, and we talked a lot about ideas and social justice. We were around the same age, a few with children, most not, and differing faiths. Being with them was amazing
If I could be a fly on the wall anywhere and anytime in history, there are so many places I would like to have been!
At the Eagle and Child when J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis and the other Inklings met to discuss their writings. I would love to hear their process and how they interacted with each other.
At the Last supper with Jesus. In fact, maybe in the workshop of Joseph where Jesus worked before he began his ministry.
I would like to have been a fly on the wall of Apollo 13, just to hitch a ride to the moon. I prolly would have died, though.
I’m pretty opinionated, but not always educated about those opinions. Or rather, my education was limited. I imagine that’s normal for someone as they’re growing up, and I was hellbent on making change. I think that’s normal, and maybe even a little bit good to have so much energy to work for something. (Sidebar: My energy has been waning for a while, though, after eight years in my current job, and I afraid I’m so burned out that I’ll need another eight years to recover.)
Several of my social views have not changed, but have actually gotten stronger.
I love to travel. I love the smells, the signs, the unspoken social mores for being in a crowd, seeing the different people, seeing the same birds. (A pigeon is a pigeon is a pigeon!) For those that have followed my writing for a bit, this will come as no surprise, but my favorite part about visiting a new place is the imagination fodder than travel provides.
Case in point:
I don’t know if my dream home is big, but it will have enough space for me and Cohiba to be together. It will be really open, like, not a lot of walls. Some protection from the rain, but I won’t need protection from the cold – I’ll live in the warmth. I guess I’d need screens to keep the bugs out, though. My dream home would be beautiful.
I Didn't Just Wake Up This Morning With A Craving 